16 January
Belonging
a lone star breathing
breath of the universe
universe-ity of life
life’s filled with desire
desire must be lonely
lyghts flicker quietly
quiet as the end of time
time raises questions
questions of belonging
belonging
I have decided to try a moment of silence – once a month on this day or two before I start bleeding. Before the physical pain and ovarian release begins. I will use this 24 hours of silence to center and find my peace. I can’t seem to find it outside myself. More often than not the things I do say on this day before my period are self-pitying and alienating. I am blank and confused. I see no need not to treat it as a day of fast and quiet – a day only for me.
[Months later, I remember this day. Jacob and I were at each other’s throats. Unable to see past our defenses. It’s interesting that I carry all the blame on myself. That I blame our inability to communicate on my period, which didn’t start for another week anyway. Why did I do that? Why did I let him make me feel so bad that day?]
17 January
Today we left Banos and arrived in Riobamba. Banos was beginning to feel like a big vortex sucking us in. We stayed too long (4 days?). My favorite thing there was our hostal, with it’s beautiful view, the whole top floor to ourselves, kitchen, clean bathroom and toilet paper included in the price, as well as the sweet old guy who has run the place for 30 years. I also liked the hot volcanic pools and cold waterfalls though for some reason we only went once, the last day we were there.
Riobamba is alive with people, not only tourists and those who serve tourists, but People. There were no angry signs in Banos, no graffiti, no call to action or armed protest, no demands for a government of and for the people. In Riobamba it is everywhere – people wanting and suffering, maybe even feeling revolution. Jacob seems equally happy about this change of scenery.
I ask “Why did we stay there so long?”
“We got sucked in”, he says.
The vortex. We agree.
At the Chifa (Chinese restaurant) tonight, we see a news story of student protests in Quito at the Universidad Central. It seems that many people were injured from the pictures on the news. There was tear gas, shooting, a burning bus, road blockades. We begin to get looks in the Chifa as we watch the news, not understanding as the news anchors speak quickly of the breaking story. I can only understand that students protested, that they were upset about a $.10 raise in the price of gas and prices rising for other things in the stores. I also picked out that the reporter focused on one injured student who was hurt very badly. We will have to wait until tomorrow for more.
I am reminded of Vipka saying that she can feel discontent bubbling just below the surface all over Ecuador. She predicted that it is inevitable or at least very likely that things will start to happen soon. I remember her story of Banos on New Year’s Eve. She told me that during the big New Year’s Eve celebration the people burned a large effigy of the World Trade Center towers and maybe one of George Bush. Everyone cheered and celebrated around these burning images in the center of town. I suppose my image of Banos was incomplete.
18 January
(only one day later and such a change of heart)
Riobamba is loud and unfriendly. It’s the first place I have seen people actually laugh openly at Jacob’s appearance – his blue dreds and loose free-box clothes. It’s too close. The hostal is dirty. We go to Cuenca early tomorrow. There’s not much to do in this city. It seems there are few places to hang out and little escape from the push of humans everywhere. I think I would have appreciated Banos more if more time had passed between our arrival in Quito and our visit there.
20 January
random related thoughts:
1. like small stars we head south part of the ever-changing constellation
2. the return to Cuenca filled with memories and a feeling of loss
3. dodging water balloons and buckets I pick my way through central Cuenca. (then): drenched by a child oblivious to my mask in honor of some strange holiday only the children seem to understand
4. (then again): soft children with eyes of the ancient quietly begging for money for food for
life
5. (sometimes) I think it’s easier to respect things I am not than to accept things that I am
6. to Dan: I think the best thing that can happen to your faith is a loss of trust in the person who represents that faith
7. people are crying all over the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment